this is what happiness is

I don't hate my life anymore, and I got to thinking...

Should I really get out of the Marines this year?  I can extend/re-up for 3 years and do embassy duty around the world, still get paid, still make progress on my degree and travel more.

I think I would regret passing this opportunity.

I really think that I'm going to go to a big university for 3+ years and deal with college kids?  Fuck that shit.

Maybe I can finish at a university or be set up for law school once I'm done, but this makes a lot more sense.

Counterpoint: Do I really want to depend on the marine corps any longer?

Fuck, need to give this some thought.

what do you do?

When her facebook pictures show you she is dating a huge douche bag.. and not your lifted truck bro-hem douchbag, your run of the mill wuss douche bag.  (you dumped her, so why is this so difficult?)

When a different she lives out of state and you just met a few weeks ago but you cant stop thinking about her.  And she likes you but the distance makes things impossible.
(Is it worth moving back to ohio?)

You want to do your own thing so bad that you don't see the big picture.  How am I going to sustain myself for the next 7 years getting a degree AND going to law school?  I would be 34 by the time I take the bar exam IF I don't fall behind on my school work.  There has to be a faster or better way.

What do you do when the only thing standing in your way is you?

moderation

I was just thinking that I should be more open minded and more outgoing.  More willing to try new things and be less judgmental of people.

When I see a hippie or a vegan or a liberal, I immediately begin to hate them and everything I assume they stand for.  Maybe I'm just jealous that I have no foundation or core belief in any one thing enough to center my life around it.

It's very dark and scary to go through life with no direction and no real goals.  I mean, there are things I want to do, go to law school, work as a DJ, but nothing that I really always wanted to do.

It would be easy to say the marine corps took that from me, and in a way it kind of did.  I just don't buy into the hype anymore and I'm stuck doing this for another almost year.  This feels like deja vu.  I got out before and it didn't go very well.  The situation is a little different and I've grown tremendously in the last few years.  I don't have any real debt and I'm saving at least enough to move some place and survive.

Its hard to be out going and less judgmental out here in a military community, especially when you are distancing yourself from all things military.

I've never really been in a fight.  Not a real one.  I really want to.  I think it will show me a lot about myself.

I want to have kids.  I want to raise a child of my own.  When I meet new women, I try to figure out what kind of mom they will be, how their genetics will be passed down, if they are a good match for the sole purpose of having babies.  Is that fucked up?

I wish more people followed and commented on this.  In all its anonimity, being honest with yourself out loud on the internet is really pointless if no one cares to read it.

jealousy

I want to meet new and exciting, educated and interesting people.

I think I'm placing too much stake in going to college next year when I already know most of the people are going to be massive douche bags and 19 year old know-nothing faggots.

I just want someone to talk to most of the time.  These people I'm around all the time are so boring.

Gah.

i've had a little bit to drink

I drank every night this week.  I'm not proud exactly, but I feel justified at least.  

I want to write her message but I know better.  At least I hope I know better.  Call it a night.

saftey stand down

We have to stay at work 12 hours every day.  We only do about 45 minutes of actual work.  Gah.

I'm the EAS class of 2010 and we don't give a fuck.  Marine senioritis.  Win.

Every day I drive home from work and contemplate what life will be like outside the marines and why I hate it so much these days.  The marine corps takes away your aspirations.  Thats todays reason.

Taking my placement tests tomorrow.  I want to get a 1300 on the SATs.  I'm just that rad.

Twittering like a mofo all day.

There happens to be this little detail I keep forgetting

I dumped her, so I'm not allowed to be jealous that she is dating someone.  Thems the rules.

I hope she is happy, she and I had nothing in common, but my goodness DAT ASS!

On a less creepy note, I decided that while I'm making more money than I need I should start buying shit I don't need.  Like a large hi-def TV and PS3 and games and a second laptop.  I'm kinda proud of myself for setting up the home network where I can be even more lazy than before.  I have my external hooked up to my old laptop and networked over my wireless router to my new laptop that I am currently using to blog and my PS3 networked as well playing Call of Duty 2 online.  This should help me stay in on the weekends and spend less money which will let me save more money.  In the end, I'm investing in myself.

Ok, so maybe this will be a long update, its been a few months and I need everyone (both of you) up to speed.

1. I'm not deploying, I'm basically OFP with my platoon til they deploy.  Then I get to do whatever I want.  So I'm taking a college prep class and gonna take the SATs and keep doing online college just to make some headway for when I get out and ...

2. Moving to Arizona, most likely Phoenix, in November or December.  I want to go to Arizona State or maybe U of A.

3. I met a really cool girl when I was home for the holidays, we had an amazing night together.  She likes cool stuff and I like her.  She lives 3000 miles away and we barely know each other.  No expectations.  We text a bit, maybe some where down the line but I'm not moving back home so I guess whatever happens happens.

4. Deleted myspace.  Finally.  Facebook FTW!

5. I'm not angry about anything.  I let it go and its really really boring.  I suppose my quality of life has improved but I'm not having much fun.

6. I'm not going out as much as I used to because I don't really trust/like/get along with/want to see the people I work with outside of work.  I am going to join a gym out in town far away from base and that may or may not help.  I was thinking about joining an adult league volleyball team, but I need a buddy to go with me.  I don't want to be that guy.

7. Windows 7 is pretty neat.  I guess.

8. Went to and graduated infantry mortar leader course.  It sucked ass, lots of retarded PT and I may or may not have stress fractures.  I should get that checked out.

9.  This is about to turn into a to-do list.  I should stop while I'm ahead.

Ok, I'm going to go and I will update frequently.  Maybe.  YAY!!!